We made a point of getting the kids to go to the bathroom before we left Dollywood. You can imagine our frustration then, when Sam announced that he had to go to the bathroom "really bad" on our way through Pigeon Forge. I said, "I thought you went right before we left!" Sam replied, "I just peed there - I need to poop now."
Janna was driving (this is, I insist, not a commentary on women drivers - Janna behaved admirably in the following episode). We scoured the right side of the road for a suitable fast-food type establishment. We saw a Buddy's Bar-b-q, started to turn in, then realized it was closed. So, the next place we found was a Krystal. Janna put her blinker on and started to turn. Only, there was a car turning out of Krystal that was taking up both lanes, so we had to wait. Then, after starting the turn into the Krystal, we noticed that there was a gaggle of geriatrics (that's a bunch of old people) crossing the road in front of us. One woman in particular (at least 80 years old) was directly in front of us, moving very slowly. And, she was completely oblivious to our rather large minivan coming right at her. Usually, you can expect a human to notice that a large automobile is heading for her, and then make some movement to get out of the way. This woman did not move a muscle to get out of the way. So Janna jerked the wheel to the right to avoid killing the old woman. Janna didn't see the large curb. The minivan (a rental, I might add) handled the curb way better than I expected. We (and the van) survived. Sam lived to poop another day.
Afterwards, I couldn't help but think that the reason for us turning into that driveway was poop, and that the old lady we almost ran over probably dropped a load into her Depends as a result. It's the Circle of Life... and Poop.